Usually abstention happens suddenly: with partners it does not develop, for example. But to take and to refuse voluntarily sex only from desire to prove something to itself? It is strong.
But the young American model Kendra Nostiff decided on such experiment. Very bright and attractive, by the way. She described the experience in the blog.
I had no sex for more than a year …
I had no sex more than a year, and this way through my personal Mojave Desert was at the same time instructive and disappointing (understandably).
Why to me this abstention? Everything began in 2015 when one hot guy let know in Instagram that interest at us mutual. There was in our communication something really warm, bringing together. There passed not enough time as comments passed into private messages, and messages – in daily phone calls. I was on rise: oh, my god, I have a relationship! But it lasted not for long. It became clear that quite recently it finished the serious novel while he does not want anything serious. Instead of reconciling and leaving, I behaved so as if it perfectly suits me. The chemistry between us was after all too strong that to ignore it (and if to speak openly, I did not want to recognize then obvious).
I tried to convince myself what to have sex with the guy who does not want to be my couple, abruptly. I was quiet, knowing that he communicates with other girls. I finished myself that we have just a sex and anything else. And what is what and I want.
But at some point I understood that I quite often act this way: I reconcile to what to me is ready to be given, without taking own desires in attention. I was tired to live according to the same scenario. Also began to dig in itself to understand why I always enter such relationship which comes to an end with nothing.
Presently it is accepted to look at sex as on means of achievement of the goal, but not on privilege, and I for some reason believed that it is necessary to have sex to make it is pleasant to the man. And if I do not do it, then it – bang – also disappears!
And I solved: any accidental communications. I will not go to bed until the man does not force me to feel like the goddess. But, as it appeared, it occupied more time than I thought.
In the first several months was abruptly: I felt that female force at last returned to me and nothing can curtail me from a way. But, when six months have passed, the initial delight disappeared, and all experiment was called into question. First, began to seem to me that the reason far-fetched. Secondly, I began to rage because constantly came across eager only for sex. This rather unpleasantly in itself, and if to add to it own fight against sexual inclination, is simple to prove itself something, oh …
Suddenly it became clear that my decision is capable to spoil also a relationship with girlfriends. They apprehended my abstention as reproach in the address supposedly on my background they to themselves seemed libertines. We began to avoid a sex subject in a talk in general, it grew between us as a wall. They were angry and reproached me that I grow up in them complexes though it is only sex. And I was even at some point ready to give up because physical requirements did not get to anywhere. But I collected the strength. After all, it is not important that someone did not understand why and why I do it.
And at some point, hormones calmed down (or just were given). I know that week without sex for some can seem cruel and unusual punishment, and year without intimate proximity in general beyond, but it appeared not so difficult. I went out on dates, as usual, but from this nothing actually was impossible.
Now, a year later, I have mixed feelings. I feel sad that during this time I did not meet the person who was ready to invest in me emotionally. Why so? I have no answer to this question. This lesson was necessary for me. I raked over the coals, understood that it is difficult to hold the interest of the man without sex, but reminded myself that I am worthy love and without coquettish views in my decollate. Yes, there was a disappointment, but also feeling of huge pride. I wanted to cease to feel available, and I ceased. I wanted to wait the man for whom I would be a part of the life, and I will wait because I know how to achieve the.
In my life there was such experience too. At that time, I painfully tried to finish failed affair. I was devastated and promised then that I any more will never get involved in a relationship in which initially something does not suit me. I very much wanted unbridled passions and crazy love which I, actually, and had to wait for nearly a year.
I cannot tell that suffered, no. To me it was quite comfortable alone. I needed time alone with myself to understand someone I am is actually, since school years there was never one. I did not solve the problems independently, I had no independent plans for the future, I did not even know what movies I actually love. All this was difficult, but is vital.
To restore forces and to remember your worth, sometimes it is necessary to limit communication with an opposite sex.
There were moments when it became absolutely sad. They repeated with enviable frequency, approximately once a month, and only two-three days lasted. Hormones whether you know, not a joke. But even then, there was no wish not just for sex, and human heat, tactile proximity, tenderness. The lust and passion waken in the woman when a desire object appears, out of the blue it happens extremely seldom.
I think, experience of abstention from sex is useful in case the painful blow is struck to a self-assessment of the woman. To restore forces and to remember what you cost, sometimes it is necessary to limit communication in an opposite sex. When we are vulnerable and weak, to construct a harmonious relationship quite difficult. But it is very simple to be let in chaotic sexual communications for the sake of self-affirmation. Alas, but the second way will cause only even more pain and disappointments. Therefore, it is worth being accurate and attentive to itself and the desires.
If the partner has a need for proximity, tenderness, care, at him the need for sex can increase. The person thinks that he needs more sex, and actually through sex he wants to receive more attention and cares from the partner. If it is your case, try to replace frequent sex with frequent embraces, kisses, joint leisure and in general to spend more time together.